Thursday, November 17th 2016

Dear Rob,

Today marks 1 year and 11 months since you left us. I’m thinking about you today, even though its not yet one hour into the day, yet you’ve been the only thing on my mind. I’m thinking about you, because I want to apologise.

November is a special month. November marks the day of your birth, a happy day, a happy month. November is a month of remembrance – for the fallen soldiers, of who you are one. November is also transgender awareness month.

I want to apologise.

I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to wish you a happy birthday, in the town where we were both born. I’m sorry that I don’t think about you every day, that sometimes I even feel comfortable being an only child. I’m sorry that I never came out to you, about my sexuality or my gender, that you’ve missed so much of me growing up and becoming who I am today. That you never got to know who I really was.

I’m sorry that I’m growing up and moving on, that not even two years since I’ve seen you, I’m beginning to forget you. I can’t picture you correctly any more. I’m learning to live without you, and that terrifies me.

Love, Merry x

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