Fresh Starts..?

6 weeks ago (ish), I moved out of my house in Oxford having passed my A levels, and started university in Winchester. 5 weeks into term, and I can honestly say this is the best decision of my life.

The past two years were a mixture of trying to get here, and not thinking it was possible while caring for Rob. Passing my A levels felt like an unachievable dream, how could I ever pass the exams when I was only making it into school two days a week? My whole life was centred around him, what he needed when, whether someone was with him, or simply worrying about him when I wasn’t physically there. I wasn’t focussed on school, uni didn’t seem like an achievable goal at that time.

But somehow I pulled it off, sat my exams and got my required grades. I started to see that I had to start living for myself again. No matter how cliched it seems, he would want me to be happy. So I moved to uni, to get my degree. For me, to make a good future for myself, to turn my life around from the stress of life during 6th form, to something better (literally anything). And to make him proud. (Because ofc that would be what this is about really)

Moral of this little anecdote is that things are still sucky and I’m having a fresh start, but life is fluid and moving down the motorway on a particular day of a particular month isn’t a new life, simply doing different things in a different place doesn’t change what happened before. SO THE MORAL REALLY IS go at your own pace. You’re doing good. (Repeat to self 50 thousand times). Fresh starts are great but apparently you can’t expect your entire life to change overnight just because you’re sleeping in a different bed.

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